Estoy viviendo

Can't expect a beggar not to turn into a thief.

I haven’t posted anything in a while. I don’t really like posting stuff on this blog anymore though, I like privacy. I guess this will have to do though, I’ve already got a shit load of Tumblrs for no reason at all. Random bits of my life are scattered amongst various Tumblogs- is that even a word? I feel like it should be some type of Tumblr lingo.

Today was a chilly, sad day. It was freeeeezing this morning when I walked out of the house around 5. Going to the gym before school is awesome, btw. It gives me energy and I don’t have to dread going to the gym after work, which sucks. Getting up at 4:30 every morning can be stressful though. I have my alarm clock time set 10 minutes ahead, haha. It makes me think I slept later than I did, I guess. I’m easily fooled.

Tomorrow is Thursday, which sucks. I don’t have to work though, which is cool I guess. I think I’ll just go home, blaze bowls, and rewrite this bullshit outline/essay/other essay and do all my makeup work for Mr. Conroy. That sounds swell. 
Friday, however, I am excited for. I’ve got a few cool things up my sleeve and shit. Gotta handle business, you see? Tiffany, Amanda, and I are doing our Christmas stuff Friday too. I won’t have much stuff for Amandar though, her shit’s in the mail and will be here in 7 buisness days. It’ll be at my house by the time I come home from the mountains though, no doubt. I might even get to see Zack Friday night too, I miss him.

SPEAKING OF THE MOUNTAINS. (side note, I just held down shift and typed all that, why didn’t I use the caps button?) I’m leaving the 24th and coming home the 28th. I have to work the 29th. I’m okay with that. New Years Eve is going to be interesting though, depending on what I do. I’m hoping I can do something similar to what I did last year. :B

I’m really tired, its only like 9. Whatever, I’m going to sleep.

It's really nice out today

I haven’t actually blogged in a while. I think it’s time to start back up.

Today was really bland, as usual. It seems that all I’ve been doing recently is waking up, going to school, going to work, then going home. Except today, I’m not going to work because my cramps are making me vomit. I wish my mom would just stop being stupid and put me on birth control.

I just found my moms facebook, awkward.

I’m going somewhere now.

Just when I thought I couldn't feel anymore,

I felt.

Thank you SO MUCH

All you’ve done for the past month is make me cry constantly, feel like complete shit, and worry about you not wanting to date me anymore, ever. All you’ve been doing is acting like an asshole and acting like you don’t give a fuck about what we used to have and what we could have had, and you wonder why I cry all the time.

Do you know how much you’ve managed to hurt me in the past 3 or 4 weeks? I don’t think you do. Now rather than me worrying about you not wanting me, I’m worried about me never wanting to see your fucking face ever again.

I swear to god you make me so fucking sad sometimes, but like I said that night

“even though you’ve hurt me so much, I still don’t think I’ll ever stop loving you”

It almost feels like

I am left with nothing, again.

It’s all gone.

So, I have a job now

I’m currently employed at Brothers Cleaners, and I looooooooooove it. Maybe I like it a little too much. It’s so chill and quiet most of the time, and my managers are cool as FUCK. (and slightly attractive too)

At CEC we never had time to sit or do anything, but now I can just sit down and relax, read a magazine and talk to Chris or Cameron about dumb shit for like 30 minutes before I have to get up again.

Perfecttttttt.

I got a check for 78 bucks today, Lol, which is good, we get paid every week son.

I need to sleep though, woke up at 6, drove all day, bye (:

Last night I freaked myself out.

Time is not real.

FUCK.

Again, and again, and again, and again, and again, and again, and again, and again,

and over, and over, and over, and over, and over.

I fucking hate myself.
I wish
we were cute
like we used to be.
You’re starting to love me less, I can tell. There’s no surprise there, I have bad girlfriend qualities, I forget things, I put shit off, I worry too much then end up messing things up anyway. I remember when you used to tell me I was your everything and you wanted to be with me forever. I remember when we used to cuddle in my room and watch family guy after everyone went to sleep. I remember how for the first time I actually physically felt love, it was amazing. I remember when you told me you loved me, because I was too scared to say it first.

So I’m sitting here, angry, with tears running down my face listening to Iris because that was the song you said reminds you of me, and typing this angry/sad blog.

I wish this wasn’t so hard. I hope you don’t ACTUALLY break up with me over this, that would suck. Now, I’m going to go lay down, I’m going to go to sleep, and I’ll probably sleep until my mom comes in to move me off of her bed.

I love you, Zack, waaaaaay more than you think I do.
If you get mad and want to yell at me you can call me.

Do you remember this?

“Today was a lovely day.  We had some time to be alone and get food hang out.  We decided to snuggle a bit and enjoy our time together.  I’d give anything in the world to be able to be with you like this every day. Even better I’d give anything at all to be like that with you ever single moment.  Being with you and just snuggling up or spooning you makes me feel so warm on the inside.  The fact that you love being there with me and being so close and just cuddling means so much to me.  That feeling we have between each other is just great.  I’ve never ever encountered such compatibility and warmth and love between two people in my life.  I want to keep these feelings with you.  I almost wish I could just bottle up all those feelings that you make me have and save them for another time we are together and just uncork the bottle I stored them in and pour them over us so I can literally feel the love slowly roll out over us.  I don’t know why I thought about that but I just wrote was I was thinking.  I really don’t ever want to lose the feelings between us.  It’s one of the most amazing things.  I will for sure remember how you make me feel when we are together like this for the rest of my life. ♥”

Yeah, me too.